hockey golf

I used to own a hideous orange and black striped leisure jacket. I wore it every where for awhile, I had a ass ugly carrot pin I wore on the lapel. people would always ask me what the pin was for, I would always tell them that it was a one carrot jacket or that it was given to me by a playboy bunny or other such non-sense. Generally people got a kick out of it or just thought I was really strange. At one time during this period I had my hair dyed jet black but had decided to shave my head as I occasionally do. My cousin wanted me to let him do it and I was like, cool. He started shaving it and then thought it would be funny to give me a burt cut like burt and ernie from sesame street. You know like one long round tuft of hair sticking straight up off of the center of my head. It looked hilarious! He then suggested we go and play miniature golf so we could screw of and freak people out. yes we were asinine bones back in the day, but what great fun we had. So we go to this place in downey right off the freeway called ...golf & stuff???? maybe. We rent some clubs, and start playing and this family is looking at us, but would look away every time we looked their way and then started playing faster to get several holes ahead. The people directly ahead of us started a conversation, they were cool, thought we were funny. But the highlights of that night, as I recall them, were hockey golf and a fight with a jerk living in a tree house on the miniature golf course who tried to throw his waste at us.
hockey golf- Me and my cousin were always screwing off back then and I don't really remember what prompted it, but at one hole we decided that whoever got his ball in the hole first got the point. So we would run up at the same time, put our balls down and hit them as fast as we could, then run after them pushing and shoving each other and frantically clubbing our own balls and each others......hmmm...that sounds pretty fucking wrong doesn't it? but you get the picture. We more or less spent several holes injuring ourselves and each other whilst inevitably whacking each others balls off into the water (stop it!...don't think that way), and going back to the consession stand to ask for ball after ball. The girl thought we were terribly funny and gleefully gave them to us. It was unquestionably the most exhilarating and adrenalin fueled game of golf I ever played! In all fairness though I only have played real golf twice in my life, once drunkenly against a semi-pro golfer in which I could do no wrong. I beat him horribly and he through a tantrum right on the golf course where he through one club and broke another all the while screaming at me and calling me a liar (referring to the fact that I had never played golf in my life), and once completely sober and I couldn't hit shit that day. I played so badly that some random old man called me a retard.
The tree house guy-
When we got near the end of the course some jack ass through a five gallon bucket of shit at us! he missed, but he did get me with a little shoe splash. We yelled at him and he told us that we were a bunch of losers and that was his piss and shit he just through at us. We told him a loser is some one who hangs out in a tree house on a miniature golf course and shits and pisses into a five gallon bucket. He went on to tell us that he was on his third month or something to break a guiness record for the person to live the longest in a tree house. He told us he was the king of the golf & stuff and that he didn't like riff raff and that we should grow up and get jobs and try and act like real people. We were like "YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING TREE HOUSE!". The irony was lost on him. after awhile of arguing he started trying to spit on us, so we threw our cokes at him and tried to spit back (I can hock a lugie practically across the street), This pissed him off more and then he tried to pee on us, we picked up rocks and started trying to hit him in the dick. He yelled at one of the employees to call the cops...that pretty much ended the night. We ran away laughing, he laughed maniacally into the night. All in all it was quite hilarious, but one thing we never did was stick around for the cops. A lot of cops in LA would just go all Rodney King on our ass. This all actually pre-dates rodney King, so we didn't know what that meant back then, but it definitely happened to us on a number of occasions.
mean cops, mean cops, whatcha gonna do? whatcha gonna do when they beat on you!
never did find out if that tree house moron beat the record.