I am not putting my real name on this blog in order to protect myself. I don't really give a flying fuck out of a monkey's ass what people think about me, but there are two reasons I must do this. One, I have an ex-wife who is stalking me on line, and two, some of the things I have been involved in are legally questionable at best and/or involve other people, therefor must be protected. So some names will be changed, but that is the most I will change in a story. everything else that is ever put in this blog will be completely true. As outrageous and ridiculous as it may sound, all of this shit actually happened.
The basics - I have led a fairly extreme life, mostly a lucky life even though through most of it I have been monetarily impoverished. Money is not the be all end all for me though, What makes my life a most euphoric storm, is freedom, experiences and people. I have done my best to live my life with those factors in it at all times, and with the exception of the seven years I was married to a most horrid woman, I did just that!
In my younger years I had no joy other then reading and singing (which I never did in front of other people). I was an extreme introvert, I spent all of my time alone in my room. I was raised in a family of all women who disdain men. It was more or less me against them and I always lost because I was male. It was a hard childhood. In fairness though my mom treated me as fair as she was capable of, and I still consider her to have been a great mom. She sometimes worked as many as three jobs to make ends meet and there is no doubt she did care. In my book, she made some big sacrifices for the well being of her children and that is commendable by any standards.
When I was 13, having lived a life time of repressed oppression up to this point, I was at my breaking point. I could no longer lead a muffled 3rd banana existence, but I new not how to change my life for the better. Then miraculously some things happened that change my life, my way of thinking and my outlook on the world. My mom sent me to a summer camp with an organization called psi world, I discovered punk rock, my mom got divorced from the biggest asshole to ever enter all of our lives, I got a girlfriend (first one I'd had since the age of 11), and I got invited to my first party. All of this happened over a two year period. before that my life was a drudgery in which I saw no point. I was always unhappy, I was afraid of almost everything, I was overweight, I had only one friend (Richard Bulowiki - thank you richard), and I never went anywhere.
psi world - say what you want about psi world, but it changed me for good and forever. Psi world teaches new age philosophy. They expound on life perspectives, synergy, love and the power of the mind. It was nothing less then an incredible life changing experience, because not only did they teach this stuff, but they were able to show it in action. It was unbelievable! it was like I was living in jail all of my life and someone finally came and opened the door and said "go out into the world and be free". It was unrealistically liberating. They helped me to see the world and my life in a positive light for the first time ever.
Punk rock-The first kids I met with my new view on life were punks back in the early days of punk. I was previously afraid of these kids and had never even heard of punk at that point, but they were the only group in my school that didn't judge me by my outward appearance, and they pretty much did what they wanted. They always said "hey, whats up?" when they saw me, which was more then anyone else did. pre-psi world, I had always judged them in my mind. post psi world I had put my pre judgments away and saw them for what they were, cool open minded people who really didn't care what anyone else thought. I wanted to have that freedom, so I started talking to them and before long hanging out with them. The first punk rock song I ever heard was the sex pistols "god save the queen" and I really felt something! I really related to this music on some higher level. over the next several months I learned how to truly be alive and for the first time I felt like a king.
What punk taught me:
to accept all kinds of people
to let out my aggression rather then bottling it up and eventually ending up in a bell tower
to play and joke (previously I was anything but playful and I had no sense of humor)
and most importantly...
TO NOT GIVE A FUCK!! not to give a fuck about life's endless streams of bullshit, not to give a fuck about what people thought of me, not to give a fuck about all of societies shoulds! How I "should be" what I "should" feel, what I "should" do....etc. etc. etc. balh blah blah. "shoulds" do not enable freedom, not giving a fuck does. If you want to be free, not giving a fuck is a great starting point.
My moms divorce - everyone makes mistakes, my moms biggest mistake was a pea brained self centered creep named Dan. He made all of our lives harder then they ever had to be. He kept me on restriction for over a year and a half, no tv, no radio, no phone, no leaving the house. Every time I was about to get off restriction, he'd find a reason to put me back on. One time he put me on two weeks restriction for getting mustard in the mayonnaise. He cost me my only friend I had in the world. Richard couldn't believe that I couldn't come over ever because I was always on restriction, I don't blame him, who would, it sounds far fetched. Before psi world and punk I felt I had no choice but to accept the abuse being heaped upon me, after those historic benchmarks, I left the house whenever I felt like it and damned the consequences. when things got bad, I stoled Dan's pot plant and ran away from home. We dried and sold the pot plant while I lived in my friends garage and drank beer every day listening to punk rock. About three weeks later my mom found me and convinced me to come home. They sent me to a psychiatrist and he ended up vindicating me. He told my mom and Dan that I was very intelligent and well adjusted, but that he'd like to see the rest of the family. a few sessions later Dan stopped all of that "psychiatrist bullshit". I found out later that the psychiatrist had basically called him on his behavior towards me and he didn't like it. My mom started seeing the truth, he was put on notice, That lasted about two weeks. We went on a camping trip with my mom's best friend and her family. All of the kids had gone down to the beach, there were six of us all together. we were told to be back by five o' clock, we got back at about 5:20. Dan came storming up to meet us and singled me out and started yelling at me and degrading me per usual. He said I was restricted to the trailer for the remainder of the vacation. My mom came storming out of the trailer and said "fuck you dan! You can just go and fist fuck yourself, cause you ain't getting any from me!" Then she turned to me and said to go on and do what ever I wanted. inmy head I was like "YESSS!!!!". About a month later he cheated on her and she divorced him. Thank god! There is occasionally justice in the world after all!
My second girlfriend - I had sex with a girl when I was 11, that was my first experience with a girl, but we didn't really know what we were doing, we were just mimicking adult behavior. We liked each other (truthfully I loved this girl), but we never let anyone know. We lived far away from each other and we only saw each other when our moms got together which wasn't very often at that time. we hid in closets and kissed and had sex one time. It started with an awkward ballet of instinctual urgency and ended with a funny feeling in my pee pee. Let the masturbation begin!! If I had really known what in the hell I was doing, I most definitely wouldn't have done it, she was to young and so was I. My second girlfriend (but first real girlfriend) was a Vietnamese girl named Kim. Before her I didn't really ever have a girlfriend who liked me for who I was and was willing to admit it in public. She was The first girl to convince me that I was an attractive person. I couldn't believe that a girl was willing to be seen with me, let alone affectionate in public! I got over it.
My first party - mostly my sister was mean to me when we were kids, but occasionally she would feel sorry or guilty or sympathetic...not really sure which, and on such an occasion she invited me to a party. It was my first real party. I met a guy named Daryl and we spit a bottle of boones farm wine. It was like koolaid for adults. We went to a store he knew of that sold alcohol to minors and we bought every flavor of boones farm wine they made. I think their were eight different flavors at that time if I recall correctly. We went back to the party at his house and drank all eight bottles like they were koolaid and I got way to drunk. I spent half of the night laughing my ass off, and the other half puking my guts out. Boones farm doesn't taste nearly as good in reverse. I met a lot of people that night who thought I was incredibly funny and I even managed to make out with a girl before I ended up hugging a toilet. in a word, it was awesome.
After that, partying became a major preoccupation in my life and I did it fervently and often for the next several years. I meant hundreds of people, had sex regularly, and enjoyed myself immensely. Drinking let me allow myself to become uninhibited, it brought me to the crux of who I was. Drinking was therapeutic for me, but I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. I am a jolly drunk, when I drink I get happy. If you are a mean drunk, by all means don't drink. Alchohol was a catalyst for me though, it helped me to loosen up and be myself. I don't need it anymore, because I am who I am and I'm fine with all of it and I no longer have a problem socializing or saying what I feel. But back in the day, it helped. Now I only drink occasionally, mostly less then once a month. between you and me, it's an ass expensive habit and since I stopped drinking for eight years while I traveled, I now get hangovers. Never had those when I was younger. It's also a lot healthier not to drink which is why I stopped in the first place.
My life in breif since then:
met my real dad, he taught me about business and how to play the guitar.
traveled for 15 years working in national parks and resorts, lots of outdoor activities
married for 7 years, crap wife, three super wonderful children.
divorced, had custody of children for year and a half, ex took them back, 3 hard heart broken years of inner and outer struggle.
Current: playing guitar again, writing a lot, making videos, having fun, connecting with old friends, getting ready to sell my house and travel some more. Going to build out an a/v step van and travel around working festivals fairs and concerts, shoot video everywhere I go and hopefully meet a lot of cool people, jam with some people, have some more unbelievable experiences, spend a lot of time outdoors again, get back in shape and relax and enjoy life again. If I'm lucky maybe I will even meet a girl who I totally love....it could happen.
I will be filling in some severe details of the above brief synopsis of my life in future blogs, but at least now you've got a basic outline of who Jack Swag is. here's just a wee bit more.
Likes:
personal freedom
creativity
self employment
self enjoyment
new experiences
the night
independence
storms
being on a boat in the ocean
good conversations
screwing around
traveling
dancing
music
doing fun shit
nocturnal city activities
the smells of the country (even skunk)
dislikes:
mean people
wage slaving
financial enslavement
evil institutions
the government
fake people
non-thinking entities
bureaucrats
democrats/republicans
prejudice people
gross mcNasty smells (like garbage juice or vomit)
ego maniacs
PEACE PEOPLE!
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